Anthony Jeselnik
I'm not a big fan of Anthony Jeselnik. Scratch that, let me rephrase, I don't really know any Anthony Jeselnik. I almost bought his DVD once but that was because the box art had a picture of a shark on it. (That's not a joke).
My buddy Lewis announced on facebook that he had two tickets he couldn't use and asked if anyone wanted them. I figured, why not and tossed my name in the hat and I won! He was at Hoyt Sherman, Iowa's cool theater/ haunted house (according to John Mulaney).
His opening act was a comedian I had never heard of, Mo Welch, and she was great!
The best part of her act was her joke about getting older and now "teeth just fall out of her head. I used to get paid for that." That's funny enough by itself but the icing on the cake was hearing a couple not far from me and the man repeated "The tooth fair." It was explained to the woman about 15 times but she still couldn't get it. I wish I had a ball, perhaps she'd like to bounce it.
She did a killer 20 minutes or so and then Anthony Jeselnik hit the stage. It's hard to say if I thought he was funny or not because I haven't seen a crowd this rowdy for a long time. I never thought a person who could fill a theater would still deal with heckling. At one point one woman yelled out "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Anthony responded with "Maybe you should listen to her."
Maybe this is the crowd he invites and likes to mess with, it's not impossible, but it really pulled me out of the show because it seemed to give other people permission to talk the entire time.
Funny story, I was way up in the rafters like a gargoyle and at one point Anthony address a woman near the front (not for talking of course)
"What's your name?"
"Kelsey"
"Where are you from"
"Altoona"
My first thought was "I know a Kelsey in Altoona but she just had a baby and wouldn't leave him home alone to watch a comedian make jokes about dropping babies. The show ends and I see this.
I can only assume that Kelsey and Ryan went home and talked about dropping their new born to impress Anthony.
Alpine
After the show, Travis and I had some time to kill so we stopped by one of my favorite bars in Iowa, the Alpine. It's a cool dive bar with a pool table and juke box but one other thing most bars do not have, Simpsons Pinball! I pumped a buck into this and about 20 seconds later my game was done. So I love that they have Simpsons Pinball but I do suck.
Going in I didn't know that Alpine was a cash only bar, I only had my card on me so that made things hard for us. Originally we were just going to take off but then a dude at the bar said he'd buy us a pitcher! Much to our surprise and the dismay of his girlfriend.
"Why are you buying them a pitcher of beer?" Woman.
"I want to be nice." Man
"Yeah, shut the fuck up." Me. I didn't really say that.
Big Tomato Pizza
We opted to end our night with some of the best pizza Des Moines has to offer: Big Tomato!
Travis was apprehensive "One time I went there and they were rude to me." He explained.
"You do know they have a big sign in the window that reads lousy service, right?"
"Oh, well that makes sense!"
This is the type of pizza that would be discussed on a travel channel or food network show. It's so simple but so good! I only devoured two slices but could have eaten about 15 more.
If you're not from Des Moines but you're in town one Saturday night and need to soak up some alcohol make your way to Big Tomato.
Also the woman who gave us your pizza was super nice! Take that Travis!
Let's end this with some Des Moines skyline!
